I finally was something other than passive about my feelings. The verb I could use to describe it was honest. Yet unlike my normal mode of dealing I wasn’t just honest with myself, or to the wall, or the paper. For the second time in my life (this obviously doesn’t happen often) I was honest with the person I had feelings for. It’s such a rare thing to occur in me. I so often suffer in silence because facing the reality of rejection isn’t quite on my list of things to do. And more often than not if I know the feelings are unreciprocated and will be unrequited I just internally deal. But I realized today that being rejected when you already know you’re unwanted is not even a quarter a bad as knowing you’re the only one feeling that way and letting someone contribute to you sinking further into those one sided feelings. It’s always nice to find out that speaking up isn’t as hard as you may think. It always nice to find out that you can care enough about the preservation of your own feelings enough to have them spoken about and recognized even when you already know they’re at odds with what you would want for them. And maybe, just maybe next time the person on the other side of the feelings will be a person who feels the same way.
If you like someone you can’t treat them the same way you treat people you don’t like. And if you don’t like someone you can’t treat them the same way you treat someone you would like. Because in the end no one is going to know what they mean to you and your words and actions aren’t going to mean anything. If everything is special to you, then nothing is special. If you love everything, then you actually love nothing.
Because guys suck & I suck. It sucks to suck.
Oh how eloquently I put that lol
But yeah, that’s pretty much it. Every guy I’ve ever liked (that assured me the feeling was mutual) has used me purely for entertainment when they were bored with their lives or their girlfriends.
I am the best thing to cure boredom until you find someone you actually want to be with, call me :) Apr 8
i came into this world covered in someone else blood and screaming and lemme tell you i’m not afraid to leave it the same way
This made me giggle
drarna, via lifeandtimesofpipsie) Feb 26